The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
