im drinking this country out of the recession.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
