Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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