Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
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