where am i from again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
