i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
