Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
