I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
