Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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