your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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