i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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