I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
