Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
