I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
