I wish I could teleport
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
