I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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