Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
