How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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