But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
