My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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