No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
