last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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