if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
