she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
