Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i now understand why vodka
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
