Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i came on her dog
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He did a backflip because drugs
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
