I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
