you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
