i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
