Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
