I can text with my tongue
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
