The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
