Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
