so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
