First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
