i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
