Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
