Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is classic penis vs brain.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
