the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
