my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
