dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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