Betty ford says i'm here all night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
