Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
