Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
