one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
