Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
