I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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