I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
