we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my being single is dangerous.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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