he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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