You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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