your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
love makes seman taste better
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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