I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
