What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
