Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mom said you looked used
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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